Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert. Dan is Professor of Psychology at Harvard. He illustrates research in psychology and economics proving people misunderstand how they feel (happiness) when they are both successful and unsuccessful achieving tasks.
Daniel begins each chapter with a quote from Shakespeare in context. He is also witty and I enjoyed his humor throughout the book.
Rather interestingly, Dan is allowing the reader to understand the differences between stumbling “on” happiness versus stumbling “upon” happiness. Much of this is how you learned as a child.
Our key trait (imagination) has empowered our world to build amazing structures. At the same time our imagination misfires in our own judgement regarding happiness. Yet imagination cannot be turned off. So it means you may find yourself unhappy forever.
Here is another key discovery from Dan: — your “future self” will think why did you believe you would be happy because your family or friends raved about it?
Slow cooker not working?
Can you recall for example hearing about a (slow cooker) that has great reviews from family or long time friends, only to acquire it and realize how unhappy you are with the functionality of the slow cooker?
Do you catch yourself understanding that judgements from others about that product actually fails to meet your expectations over time? In some instances you may even question your own happiness by admitting that you should be happier since your family or friends convinced you that a slow cooker was a worthy purchase.
Projecting happiness upon others
If we underestimate how unhappy we cam be, we will also misunderstand the happiness of others:
The conventional medical wisdom has it that conjoined twins should be separated at birth, even at the risk of killing one or both. As a prominent medical historian wrote: “Many singletons, especially surgeons, find it inconceivable that life is worth living as a conjoined twin, inconceivable that one would not be willing to risk all—mobility, reproductive ability, the life of one or both twins—to try for separation.”
In other words, not only does everyone know that conjoined twins will be dramatically less happy than normal people, but everyone also knows that conjoined lives are so utterly worthless that dangerous separation surgeries are an ethical imperative.
And yet, standing against the backdrop of our certainty about these matters are the twins themselves. When we ask Lori and Reba how they feel about their situation, they tell us that they wouldn’t have it any other way. In an exhaustive search of the medical literature, the same medical historian found the “desire to remain together to be so widespread among communicating conjoined twins as to be practically universal.
Something is terribly wrong here. But what? There seem to be just two possibilities. Someone—either Lori and Reba, or everyone else in the world—is making a dreadful mistake when they talk about happiness.
Because we are the everyone else in question, it is only natural that we should be attracted to the former conclusion, dismissing the twins’ claim to happiness with offhand rejoinders such as “Oh, they’re just saying that” or “They may think they’re happy, but they’re not” or the ever popular “They don’t know what happiness really is” (usually spoken as if we do). Fair enough. But like the claims they dismiss, these rejoinders are also claims—scientific claims and philosophical claims—that presume answers to questions that have vexed scientists and philosophers for millennia. What are we all talking about when we make such claims about happiness?”
pp. 53-54.
In fact, the lesson of this book is that we are much more like everyone else than we like to acknowledge. As a result we are terrible at predicting what future events will be like for us.
In conclusion, Stumbling on Happiness does not have a magic solution. This book will reveal how you fool yourself with negative outcomes. He illustrates how you can actually learn to take control and find happiness.
The Aspen Institute | Stumbling on Happiness
TED | The surprising science of happiness
World of Business Ideas | The psychology of happiness
World Minds | Happiness: What Your Mother Didn’t Tell You
The Royal Society | Stumbling on Happiness